Performance Anxiety
How to get ready to take the stage in the ‘wedding show’
In case you hadn’t realized, a wedding is all a big show. It’s a grand production with characters (mother of the bride, flower girl, groom), a stage (the church, the reception hall), props (the rings, the flowers), costumes (your dress, tuxedos) and lines (“I do” comes to mind.)
If you’re like most of us and never been in a grand Broadway production, then you might be a little nervous about your wedding-day extravaganza. A rehearsal dinner is certainly helpful, but when you consider all the work and preparation that goes into a wedding, this piece of theatre really ought to be in rehearsal for several weeks.
I have an extensive background in all kinds of performance, so I’m hip to this “wedding as show” concept. In that way, I feel like I’m a teensy bit more relaxed about this stuff than brides out there with no prior stage experience. At least I’m used to lots of people looking at me when I’m wearing a weird costume and saying lines from a script. But in order to provide a little more insight, I spoke with Kristie Vuocolo, a recently married seasoned performer and Emmy Award-winning producer in Chicago. I wanted outside advice on how to give an Oscar-worthy performance at my own wedding in September.
“If you're going to be nervous, be nervous at the rehearsal,” Vuocolo says. “On the day of, just enjoy every minute of it. Everyone is there for you and will do or give you whatever you need.” Vuocolo advises a employing a strong crew of “stagehands,” so to speak, to help get the show on the road. “I'd advise having one good friend to be that person that can be at your beck and call for the day. And I suggest also having a ‘wedding mom’ who is an extra, older adult who's looking out for your mom and you and all the little details.”
So which is harder? I asked her. Opening night of a big show or a wedding? I mean, sure a wedding is a big deal, but aren’t you just so happy to be there that it’s kind of a no-brainer? Vuocolo shook her head.
“Opening night of a play is easier because it's not usually the symbol of a life-changing commitment,” she answered. “Most likely at opening night not every single person you love and care about is there. Your wedding day is the first day of the rest of your new life with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You have to know your lines and blocking for opening night – for your wedding, you need to know your heart.”
I told you she was good.
And Vuocolo quickly points out that no matter what show you’re in, you have to remember to do one essential thing: “Breathe. Breathe. And keep smiling while you're breathing.”
For the show that is your wedding, you won’t have a director that will tell you where to go, how to deliver your vows so that the audience will hear every word and laugh, cry and applaud. You won’t have weeks of tech rehearsal to get the music to play perfectly on cue. You’re not going to be working from a script that lets you cut the scene when your maid of honor has too many gin-and-tonics and hits on your dad by mistake. You won’t have anything close to that kind of preparation. The wonderful thing about weddings, though, is that this is one show that comes naturally. People will laugh and cry and applaud as though there were a script, and the flubbed lines, the 6 year-old ring bearer who forgets the rings, and even the drunken, singing groomsman are indispensable, totally unplanned elements that make your big day an unforgettable show.
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